Not worth your money – Cosmetics

(Picture credit: Beauty Punk, whose article "The Green Beauty Diet" was one of the inspirations of this rant)

The cosmetics industry is one of the most beautifully, artistically, brilliantly advertised of all times. Not only do cosmetics appeal to us with their textures and seductive perfumes; they are cleverly and attractively packaged, popularised by advertisements that make us dream.

I don’t know about you, but if I had a brain scanner when i enter a cosmetics shop, i’m sure several areas of my brain would become intermittently alight with overstimulation. I work hard at behaving like an “aloof, unavailable ice queen” à la Bridget Jones, whereas if sales assistants could read my mind I could be easily convinced into purchasing the whole store.

But then…

… we come home, we use the products that we spent a few hundred euros in and… well… routine kills romance, as they say, and the magic is just not there anymore and all the profusely used French wording start sounding empty in our ears...

No, you don’t actually have Gazelle legs, despite using Guerlain’s leg bronzer. No, you are not a more sophisticated, demure lady, despite owning that Dior eyeshadow palette. No, your “complexion” is not especially “radiant” (whatever that means) after using La Mer’s cream, or Chanel’s Blanc Universelle. No, you don’t feel like a svelte 16-year old model wearing a  fancy dress while rocking in a swing that hangs inside the spiral of a staircase over a balloon-filled danceroom in black and white while a Muse song plays in the background.

Instead you just have fluids and powders in plastic and glass containers.

You fell for the ads. For the sales lady, for the promises of glamour, of beauty, of sophistication. You thought you purchased all that; instead you just bought... a pot of some goo. 

In an effort to avoid this situation in the future, I have created a protocol to follow in case of acute cosmetic infatuation. I apply this to myself, but I publish it here in case it can be of any use to you.

1. Do you already own something that does the same?

In this case, just use up what you already have. Only when it’s finished will you have a reason or “excuse” to purchase a new one. In the meantime, try to picture your current product in place of the new (in the shop, in the ad, you name it). Hey, it works for me.

Examples:

a. “I already own a black eyeliner that works nicely for smoky eyes, but maybe this Guerlain Khol will look better…”.
No. Black stuff in the eyes is black stuff in the eyes. I concede that pencil/khol is different from liquid eyeliner. Other than that, pretty much nobody (including yourself) will be able to tell much of a difference between variations of the same products, unless the difference results from an easier application. For example, if you draw better lines with a brush using gel from a pot than with a liquid eyeliner, go for it. If your pencil eyeliner fades or smothers, try covering it with black eyeshadow, which should keep it in place. If it’s still shit, throw it away and get the new one. But if you’re concerned that this or that pencil will look differently, discard the idea.

b. “I already have a blush, but it’s pink-ish, and this peach is so ‘in’ this season…”.
No. If you are a very artistic person with a special sensitivity to colour, you will be able to tell the difference. But most of us ordinary people with ordinary sensitivities will not really see a great difference from an extra blush. Maybe some difference, yes, but not an great one. Blush makes you look healthier, prettier and well… blushed… regardless of the colour. I would assume that when you bought your current blush you already tried all the available shades and chose the best one, didn’t you? Is that new shade super different from the one you already own and does it make you look particularly better? If not, forget about it – you will end up with two blushes holding up space in your nécessaire, and they will take ages to finish.

If the answer is “no”, move on to the next point.

2.  Do you want this product to see actual results, or to enjoy the process of applying it without there being a need for an effect?

If you are ok with buying something just because it’s pretty and you feel good just having and applying it (like you would enjoy owning a flower vase or Lladró figure), great. If you love the feel of that mousse in your skin, the smell of that moisturising cream, the look of that pretty powder puff, the color of that 25-euro nail polish, and you don’t care whether anything happens afterwards, great. Go for it. Give yourself that daily pleasure. What is more beautiful than a relaxing, enjoyable female beauty ritual?

Well, many things are. Puppies, for instance. But I see your point there.

However, if you are just looking for a product that gets a specific work done, move on to point 3.

3. Don’t invest much money (or any money at all) in the following items.

The items in this list reflect my personal needs and preferences. This is what works and does not work for me. This list may change for every person. I share mine for the pleasure of sharing; I invite you to reflect and consider what products should be on your “not worth it” list.

a)       Moisturiser. I know. I know. Moisturising is a most important step in our skincare routine, we should invest in good moisturisers… Well, tell you what. I have tried the fanciest moisturisers in the market, including La Prairie and La Mer, and I cannot really see a difference with humbler but good quality moisturisers. My current favourite is Xhekpon, which you can buy in Spanish pharmacies for 5 euros, and I don’t miss La Mer. I buy Xhekpon because I don’t mind the fact that it does not come in a pretty glass jar but in an ugly tube, or the fact that its texture is that of a simple white cream instead of a lovely gel/mousse/tingling stuff with a lovely colour, or that it does not smell of delicate flowers but of the chemicals it’s made of. But that’s just me – I just want a moisturiser, not a delicious perfumed ritual. If you are looking for the latter, go for it!

The gorgeous Dita von Teese expressed the same view in an interview recently:
“[My dermatologist] tells me never to expect miracles from beauty creams and just to use the products I like the texture and scent of, because none of them are going to change your life. I've tried nearly every fancy cream on the market, and I can tell you that although I might luxuriate in some of them, the results I've had from some of the Neutrogena and Cetaphil products are exactly the same”.

b)    Serum. Doubling up the time and cost it takes to moisturise my face, but i cant really see a difference. Maybe I will change my mind as I get older, but at my fresh, young 26 years old I really don’t need this. 

c)     Primers. Honestly? When I was younger primer did not seem to exist (at least I personally was not aware of its existence) and we carried on just fine. If my make up does not really stay on for 10 hours, I take 2 minutes to reapply at some point; problem solved. If my makeup does not apply smoothly without a primer, it’s probably shit makeup anyways, and I buy a better one that does work on my skin type. If you’re a star attending a red-carpet event, I can see why primer would make sense. If you’re a normal person working a normal job, I don’t.

d)    Transparent/translucent stuff. Like Chanel’s Blanc Universel, or like this stuff from Guerlain

(I still can’t fathom what it actually does. Its mere existence in a competitive market fascinates me).

Seriously? I mean, if it does not actually show, what’s the point of me putting that stuff on my face? More potentially poisonous chemicals, more time, more money, a more caked-up face, no difference to the average observer. No, thanks.

e)    Another eyeshadow palette. How many eyeshadow palettes have you actually finished in your whole life? Exactly. Use up the one you already own. Chances are it has wearable, basic colours on it. Fancying that crazy, bright eyeshadow that has become a trend this season according to Dior? You’ll probably almost never wear it. Just sayin’. If you really feel like it, first consider a cheaper version of the same colour, so that you feel less guilty when you see it laying mostly untouched at the bottom of your makeup back/drawer/shelf for a couple of years before throwing it to the garbage where it belongs.

f)      Nail polish. This is a tricky one. I am a big fan of Chanel polish because of the gorgeous colors, basically. Other than that, this 25-euro polish chips on my nails and dries on the bottles just exactly the same than the 4-euro polish from Kiko. I spend money on colours, not on staying power, since it is a hopeless, lost cause.

g)     Shimmery highlighter.

Like this.

Or like this.

Pretty much every brand carries one. But have you tried to use the shimmery white/pearl/champagne eyeshadow from your palette? (yes, the one you never use). Pat it on the top of your cheekbones or over your cupid’s bow, then tell me if you still feel you need that highlighter.

h)    Body shimmer. If you are not younger than 7 years old, chances are you will never wear that. I am guilty of the purchase of this two beauties that I force myself to wear on random nights out.

Then i spend a few days with shimmer on my coat.

i)      Shampoo and shower gel. These wash away with water and nothing remains. Again, I have tried my share of expensive salon hair products, only to discover that the cheaper supermarket versions do the trick just the same. I currently use Urtekram rose because it’s organic, cruelty-free and smells like roses. I prefer to invest in the stuff that really does stay on my hair/skin, such as leave-in conditioner, serum, or body moisturiser.

j)      Scrubs. I mix a bit of baking soda or sugar with some moisturiser/soap/water/coconut oil and it works perfectly. Not worse than Origins, Clinique, Clarins, Clean & Clear or Lush, according to my experience. Eventually the scrub goes down the drain, and so does the (usually big) money it costs. Again – do you enjoy the soft smell and bland touch of Origins’ apricot scrub? Did Benefit’s pineapple scrub make your day better with its fun scent?  In that case, go for it knowing that you’re shopping experiences, not results.

I realise I am lucky to have a low-maintenance skin, that looks happy with basic products. This is probably due to the fact that I live mostly on plants and I very rarely eat animal products. I am lucky enough to be able to sleep 7 or 8 hours every night. Maybe genetics, too, has something to do with how “low maintenance” my skin is.

I'm sorry if I have offended your sensitivity by "insulting" your favourite beauty products. I repeat, I only talk about what works and does not work for me, as a way to spark a debate or to set the tone for you to carry out an honest self-analysis of yourself and your consumption habits. Do you really need that product? Is that going to make yourself and your day better in any way? Is there not anything else you could spend that money on that would make you happier?

I feel so sorry to see people’s cluttered makeup bags/cabinets with hundreds of bucks worth of makeup slowly rotting away. I believe in a simple life, a clutter-free life, a way back to the essentials. A life of shaving off the superfluous, like a sculptor does, to find the beauty hidden under all that waste.

What are your “not worth your money” beauty products?